Shards of Glass

So last night I was over at Batman and Rapunzel's house helping her out with her dissertation and having a great time. We always have a good time when we get together and last night was no different.....well, no different until the end of the night that is. So as I was getting ready to leave Ranger needed to go potty, so Rae decided to walk me to the car so he could pee. As we stepped to the end of the sidewalk all of a sudden she gasped and let out a few choice words of frustration, we'll pretend it was "Jesus is Awesome" like I should have been thinking Tuesday when I was feeling that frustration. LOL.
SO after a quick second and making sure she wasn't in labor I turned to see what she was looking at. The entire back window of her brand new SUV was busted out and laying shattered on the ground. A million pieces of tinted glass everywhere. We both shifted gears and she went to get Al and I took care of Ranger. After a few moments we realized that their car wasn't the only car vandalized. There were four cars in their parking lot alone and at least another four or five in the lot behind them. Sadly, one of the other cars in their lot to get hit was also Al's car. Apparently this is a trend that the tenants are getting fed up with, UNDERSTANDABLY. Some punk kids going on destruction sprees just for the fun of it....not cool.
So I hung out to wait till the cops came and I'm so glad I did. I witnessed something that made me so proud of both Rae and Al. This was a prime opportunity to go off on a justified rant and be totally po'd and turn into a beast and yadda yadda yadda.......but instead I saw both of them choose to stay calm in the midst of it, yeah they were ticked, but NEITHER of them fed into the raw emotions and let it control them. Instead they both focused in on God and kept their cool and CHOSE to NOT ALLOW this to get to them. I hope I would have handled it the same way, but I don't know for sure how I would have responded.
    So anyway........as I drove home I was talking to God about this blog entry. No, I'm not crazy or being overly religious, but part of why I'm blogging and part of why I am the Pollyanna that I am is because I believe EVERYTHING, even something like this has a purpose and has good come of it. So if  I'm not passing along what I believe that purpose or message to be in this blog then what's the point? I knew this event was going to be the centerpiece of the blog today but I wanted to make sure I wasn't just retelling a story, but really learning a lesson from it.
So as I drove along and processed the events of the previous hour I kept seeing the picture of Rachel's glass window shattered on the ground, all those shards of glass. I also kept hearing those words over and over, shards of glass, shards of glass, shards of glass. Those shards of glass must somehow represent us...or something we humans do. HMMMMMM.....
So when I got home I decided to look up the definition of a shard, now I know what it means, but sometimes you get clearer insight when you actually pull up the complete definition of a word.
So here we go, ready? Good.
Websters defines a SHARD as a piece or fragment of a brittle substance.

Interesting, but I'm not really feeling a great insight yet, YOU? Yeah I didn't think so.... lets go a bit deeper, shall we?

The definition of the word BRITTLE according to Websters is something easily broken, cracked, or snapped. Easily disrupted, overthrown, or damaged. Frail, perishable, mortal, transitory, and evanescent. Easily hurt or offended, sensitive, and sharp. Lacking warmth, depth, or generosity of spirit, cold.

WHEW!!!!! That is a whole lot of adjectives for such a small word! However, it sure as heck gets the point across doesn't it? Being brittle is just fine when we're talking about a sheet of glass, a butterfly wing or even peanut brittle, but it's NOT fine when we're talking about a person. Have you ever felt broken, cracked or damaged by a person or circumstance? Have you felt the rug pulled out from under you as things disrupt, overthrow or damage YOUR plans? Do you ever get hurt, offended or over sensitive when things don't go the way you wanted or expected? Worse yet, have others accused you of lacking warmth, depth or being cold?
HMMMM.....that requires some painfully deep soul searching doesn't it.....I don't know about you, but in the interest of keeping it real here, I've fallen into each of these categories at different times in my life. In fact some of these I'm still working on, especially when thinking of certain family members of mine. Sorry, but it's true.....blood may be thicker than water, but thickness doesn't always equate quality. I think it's safe to say then that all of the things associated with being brittle are NOT the kind of traits we want to have associated with our own selves.

Now, let's go a bit deeper still.
What would be the opposite, the antonym of Brittle? That would be, robust, healthy, strong. When I saw those words I wondered if there is a translation of the Bible that uses the word robust. Well, there is....and ironically...or maybe not so ironically, there is one verse that in multiple translations interchanges each of those three words to convey the same thought. What does the thought refer to? Ready for this? bitterness, envy, jealousy and runaway emotions. HMMMM.....all things that come out of the emotions associated with being brittle. I think that broken glass definitely conveyed a message, not just to myself but to all of us.
We need to have our focus on God....in fact, we need to be so focused on Him, so robust,healthy and strong in Him and His word, the Bible, that when things hit us like that weapon hit the glass on those cars, we don't shatter because we are brittle.

Proverbs 14:30 (The Message)

 ³⁰ A sound mind makes for a robust body,
   but runaway emotions corrode the bones.

Ok, soooooooooo if we are going to have a robust body we need a sound mind. How do we get that? Well, let's go back to the source.

2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version)

⁷ For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Ok, so the sound mind isn't something we acquire, it was already given to us. (Yeah I know, I don't always feel like it either....but tell your fickle feelings to kiss off.) Now, WHYYYYYYYY would we be told in the same verse that we have been given a sound mind, that we also HAVEN'T been given a spirit of fear? Well, for that answer let's go back to the definition of the word brittle.
         something easily broken, cracked, or snapped. Easily disrupted, overthrown, or damaged. Frail, perishable, mortal, transitory, and evanescent. Easily hurt or offended, sensitive, and sharp. Lacking warmth, depth, or generosity of spirit, cold.

I don't know about you, but when I feel those emotions, especially towards my biological father and his less than loving family....they are definitely rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of betrayal, fear of never being GOOD enough....and lots of others. Well if those feelings are not God given, then I don't want them! Who DOES?!?!?!? So the antidote? The anti-fear, anti-brittle solution?  The only way to get and maintain a sound mind is to debunk fear in all it's faces by dissecting each one and applying the truth in it's place. So here is what the Bible has to say about who I, who YOU REALLY are and the value we REALLY have.
In an effort to save space I will not include the full verses, but here is a link to Bible Gateway where you can pull up the complete verse in any translation and language you prefer.
Bible Gateway Passage Lookup
 I'm going to close with this list, I don't really think there is much else to say after that. Don't feel bad about being brittle, we all have in the past...and we all have areas where we still are. Instead, focus on reinforcing those brittle areas with TRUTH.....the Bible IS TRUTH. That way when things come at you to destroy you and turn your brittleness into shards, you will be stronger and less likely to shatter.

Who I Am In Christ

		I am accepted...
	John 1:12	I am God's child.
	John 15:15	As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
	Romans 5:1	I have been justified.
	1 Corinthians 6:17	I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
	1 Corinthians 6:19-20	I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
	1 Corinthians 12:27	I am a member of Christ's body.
	Ephesians 1:3-8	I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
	Colossians 1:13-14	I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
	Colossians 2:9-10	I am complete in Christ.
	Hebrews 4:14-16	I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.
		I am secure...
	Romans 8:1-2	I am free from condemnation.
	Romans 8:28	I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
	Romans 8:31-39	I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
	2 Corinthians 1:21-22	I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
	Colossians 3:1-4	I am hidden with Christ in God.
	Philippians 1:6	I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
	Philippians 3:20	I am a citizen of heaven.
	2 Timothy 1:7	I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
	1 John 5:18	I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.
		I am significant...
	John 15:5	I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
	John 15:16	I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
	1 Corinthians 3:16	I am God's temple.
	2 Corinthians 5:17-21	I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
	Ephesians 2:6	I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
	Ephesians 2:10	I am God's workmanship.
	Ephesians 3:12	I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
	Philippians 4:13	I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

1...2...3...4...Breathe...5...6...

So Monday was pretty non climactic, not a bad thing really...lol. ALthough, maybe I shouldn't say that. It ended on a highly positive note. For about 2 months now I've been praying about something. I believe God has been showing me some things, confirming some things and sending LOTS of encouragement. I'm not prepared to share about it yet, but in time I will. So anyway, I have been keeping it to myself all this time and meditating and praying about it, put out a Gideon's fleece or two. No that does not mean a person is weak spiritually...yes we are to trust God and the very essence of faith is to believe in things not seen....however, sometimes in our sinful human nature a seed of doubt or fear gets in there and we need God to just meet us where we're at. In almost 30 years of being a Christian I haven't had a whole lot of those moments, I usually tend to jump in with both feet and trust for God to catch me, but this is one of those fleece things for me. Not that I don't believe He can do what I'm praying about, but I guess on this one I want to play it safe and make sure I KNOW, that I KNOW, that I KNOW..it's God.
So anyway, last night as I was reading the days scripture for the Bible in a year one of the verses leapt off the page at me and it spoke to the EXACT thing I've been praying about. I felt like it was time I finally shared with Ben what has been on my heart. I was a little apprehensive,......ok....a lot apprehensive. Not that he wouldn't support me, but sometimes the things that are important to the female mind and heart aren't on the same radar screen as the things that are important to the male mind and heart. So I prayed and happened to be IM-ing somebody and had them pray too for the best way to broach the topic and that it would be well received.  

Well, God met me where I was at and not only was Ben TOTALLY supportive (Lord I love that man!!) and completely encouraging, but he threw me a curve ball I NEVER really expected by saying, "Fran...what makes you think I haven't already been interceding about that for you?" I think this was the exact moment I experienced my first deer in headlights look for the night. "HUH?!?!!?" He gave me a look like, DUH!!! It took a moment for that to sink in.....hmmm...I don't know....he has so many other things on his plate in providing for our home and other things that no, I honestly DIDN'T think he would be interceding for me on this. HUH....cool God, didn't see that one coming!!!! So because he was soooooooo supportive and encouraging it actually gave me the room I needed to REALLY open up about my concerns, fears and other feelings regarding this prayer request. Ben sat there and listened and reminded me of scripture I needed to be reminded of and offered up ideas and solutions to make this thing work,(I guess he really HAS been praying about this...WOWWW!!!). So by the end of our conversation I had a whole new level of peace about this that I have never had before. Unbelievable...God never ceases to amaze me.
SOoooooo...today I woke up and yep, that peace was still there....sigh....Gideon fleece number 1, wow.....cool. 

SO I went bopping along to work, feeling pretty dang amazing.....and as I stood there chatting with the girls and helped welcome the sprouts in for the day, it happened. One of them had wiggled up behind me on the floor just as the doorbell rang, I went to get it and WHOOP, BANG! My feet did some sort of ankle height triple lutz as I spun around, knocked the child down onto his bottom, and crashed down onto one knee directly on the wood covered concrete floor somehow catching myself on the cabinet behind me with both hands and miraculously never spilling a drop of the almost full iced coffee which I was holding! AND FOR MY NEXT TRICK!!!!!  So I turn around to make sure he's ok, he is, but he's now crying because he has no idea what he just witnessed or caused, but Miss Fran suddenly looks like a cross between a cherry red tomato as she bites her lip and a fish out of water as she writhes on the floor in pain. Thankfully the girls jumped right in. Amber ran to get the door, I think Jess grabbed Dylan and got him out of the way and Allie got out of MY way...lol. I got up painfully and slowly and limped across the room to focus on keeping my mouth shut....OHHHHHHHHH that was a wise choice because I really don't think ANYBODY wanted to hear the colorful things running through my mind at that moment. Let's just say I was feeling significantly less than Christian at that moment and the phrase, "Jesus is AWESOME" was NOT what wanted to come out of my mouth. So I waited for the incoming parents to disperse, Allie asked if I was ok and I still couldn't open my mouth so I just waived my hand and nodded.

She knows me well enough she just said ok and backed away, wise girl. I stood up as straight as I could and limped to the kitchen to get an ice pack. Oh wait, wonder jaws bit into our last ice pack last week so no ice pack in the freezer...AHHH but we had a bag of frozen corn. THAT works! I gingerly applied it and felt my ability to speak slowly return. Meanwhile Amber came to get an icepack for Dylan's leg, oh yeah..wonder jaws....ok so he ended up having a tube of frozen Pillsbury sugar cookie dough applied to his leg instead of ice. Yeah...WE'RE professional! LOL. 

SIGH...........when I was finally able to function again I emerged from the kitchen and sat at the kids lunch table holding my corn to my knee. Amber shifted to nurse mode and thankfully after about an hour the massive swelling and bruising on my knee had gone down signifcantly and I was able to walk with little pain or stiffness. THANK YOU LORD.
I love my life...lol. Honestly....there is never a dull moment....and even though I got hurt....it could have been worse. I could have hurt Dylan, I could have hit my HEAD..I could have broken something....worse yet, I could have spilled my iced coffee......but I didn't. I also could have vocalized the expletives that were in my mind, but thank God I didn't. Yeah I have a sore knee, but thank God we had corn and sugar cookies in the freezer! LOL. Overall...that peace and joy I started out with in the morning....still in tact! God Rocks!
Ok, that's enough for one night. I'll catch you guys later and if you haven't checked out the list of blogs on the left that I follow, please do. There are some really great bloggers over there that would love to have you come visit them.

Is the Son in Your Eyes?

Boy, ....for a woman who decided to take the weekends off from blogging I had another moment this weekend that I just had to share.

So one of the things about living in New England is that Winters here are not only cold, but drab. Thickly overcast skies and bland colors in shades of brown, white and gray really don't make for a very cheerful atmosphere. However, they do make you appreciate the sunlight, ANY sunlight, more. After a long succession of drab dark days where barely a hint of blue sky is visible the normal sunny days seem almost glaringly tropical. This weekend we had two of those days. It was still cold out there, but soooooooo bright and sunny, it was WONDERFUL! Driving out in it though, well....when your eyes are acclimated to the dark gloomy palette, AND both pairs of your dark sunglasses are at home because you have to replace screws that fell out...you may feel a little less than thankful for the extremely bright sunlight that's blinding you.

So that was kind of my dilemma this weekend, especially yesterday when I was fighting a migraine. So many times I have been irritable when trying to drive or even when riding as a passenger and it seems that every couple of moments the road curves in such a way that another blinding shot of light finds a space to shoot through causing me to squint and bob my head like some parrot doing the boogie to Rockin' Robin. LOL
In those moments I crave the overcast days because it's convenient and less interfering with MY plans.
Enter my God moment, stage left.
So as we were driving along and I was silently complaining and whining to myself for one stray cloud somewhere over the entire state of Connecticut to get the blasted sun out of my eyes, I had an epiphany. Sometimes those of us accustomed to living in the light are so blinded by the inconvenience of the brightness that we forget what it's like to appreciate the presence of the light at all.
A few years ago during the bleak Winter here we had several weeks of nothing but gray, overcast, dark days.....so many in a row that I remember being in tears because I just wanted some sunlight......ANY sunlight. ( I would NEVER be able to live in Alaska! Three months of darkness....oh no...no, no, no...not for me.) Then late one day we had a break in the skies and the tiniest patch of bright baby blue streaked with the most amazing shades of orange, pink, yellow and red appeared just as the sun was setting. It was the only beautiful color within eyesight and even though it was small and seemingly insignificant in the vast expanse of gray sky, it was GLORIOUS! On that day I would have PAID to have sunlight blinding me!
HMMMMMMMM........So I was thinking.........I was frustrated by the sunlight streaming from seemingly every angle and filling my eyes, but do I shine enough of the light from THE Son that it dispels the bleak darkness for those I come in contact with who are CRAVING light?

Ephesians 5:8 (New Living Translation)

For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light!

Yeah sure I give off some light, maybe even more than some others, MAYBE, but I would be a fool to ever think it's enough. ANY Christian who isn't constantly growing to be a better example of our faith by truly reflecting the heart of Christ to those around us needs to remember what it was like to be in the darkness and crying out, craving the light. Instead many of us, and I'm including myself because I'm just as guilty of this, get irritated by the inconvenience of our faith. How often do we say things like, "Well I didn't invite them to church because they probably wouldn't come anyway..." or "Well I didn't want to tell them about my faith because I didn't want to offend them..." or maybe some harder to identify ones like "I would have gone to church today, but I'm just so tired..." or "Well I would have volunteered, but they looked like they had enough help..." Then there are the REALLY hard to spot ones like "I'll pray for you..."...and then promptly forget about that when we are out of sight. OUCH....how many of us have done that one?


That verse in Ephesians I posted above says we are to LIVE as people of the light, not just hop in and out of our persona as it's convenient. We need to keep the memory of what it was like to have no hope, have no joy, have no peace burned on the frontal lobes of our brains so we NEVER forget it. That way we will always remember to shine the light of our faith by actually living it, even when the brightness seems inconvenient to us. I need to remember that too......random people, and some not so random are put in our lives and across our paths on a daily basis for us to shine light to....I pray that you and I both reflect a light so bright that they need sunglasses.