Wednesday, January 20, 2010

STREEEEEETCH!!!!


Sooooooooo.........I haven't been on in a few days and there's a very good reason. My pitiful little laptop is sick. Yes, Lulabelle somehow got infected with either spyware, malwear or an actual virus. I'm not sure which it is at this point, but she has been sent to the laptop ER and will hopefully be home soon after a brief recovery....sigh. Until then however I'm relagated to sharing Ben's computer when he isn't online or checking my email from work when I'm off the clock. Of course that's fine, but you don't realize how your own computer has been personalized to your own tastes, needs and conveniences until you don't have it. Oh well.....the silver linign is it's giving me more time to catch up on the things I need to do around the house that are so easily set aside when I'm online. So I guess even having my computer become infested with internet critters is a good thing since it helps me get back on track in my non cyber life.


Meanwhile....it appears that Ben and I have entered a season of being stretched in our faith and in our daily walk. I'm not really looking forward to the process, I mean who enjoys having their lives stretched and pulled like Stretch Armstrong. (For those of you born before 1978 you know who I'm talking about) HOWEVER, I am  very much looking forward to the outcome when all is said and done, because I know it will be good. So how do I know this is coming? Well, let me fill you in.

In 2000 I changed careers and went to work for a corporate office. At the time it was the best job I had ever had and honestly hoped to retire there. Six months later Ben got hired at the same company and for just under nine years (I say nine years since it was so close) he and I worked together (something I sincerely miss. Who wouldn't want to work with their best friend?). He also loved his job and hoped to retire there. It was a locally owned international company and we worked in the home office. The owners were extremely employee and family oriented and took care of their employees very well. As the company grew and so did the pocketbooks of the owners, a shift began to take place. Suddenly the once worker friendly environment began to become hostile....and we were no longer partnerring toward success as much as we were the means to their next golf course mansion or yacht. It was a hard pill to swallow in an environment where the owners used to come sit and chat with you about your family and life outside of work, to an environment where they didn't have time for you and you were suddenly beneath them. However, because of the way it used to be most of us hung in there hoping things might return to their previous state of being. Unfortunately, that would not be the case.
In January of 2008 we were all pulled into an office wide meeting and gently told that the company had been sold. The vast majority of us sat or stood in silent shock. We knew something had been amiss due to the influx of visiting executives, but none of us had suspected that. So after a moment, albeit a very brief moment, we were then promised everything under the moon to try and calm the growing fears of sudden job loss. Golden promises of never closing our office and people all being totally secure filled the room, but underneath there was a very present sense of foreboding. So in short time, as feared, the axes began to fall. By November I had given my notice to go and start my career at Sprout Cwntral, because I knew my division of the company would be the first to be completely obliterated. This past Summer what had been my division was in fact wiped out leaving several friends suddenly all out of work. With each passing month it seamed the end of the entire company was imminent, no matter what the new corporate execs promised.
Well, Monday they pulled Ben and the entire remaining company employees, ( a meager 30 or so, down from the 60+ at the time of the buyout) into another meeting. Yep, you guessed it....they were all systematically informed that as of March 31st of this year the office will be shut down and moved to Oklahoma. All those choosing not to chance a POTENTIAL job in Oklahoma or North Carolina will be out of a job.
**sigh** Well, thankfully Ben and I both have a peace about it. We knew it was coming, we just didn't know when. So now we know the when. We know God is going to do something amazing...we don't know what or how, but we know He will come through, He always does. We have been praying for a better job for Ben for YEARS but it just wasn't the time for anything to open up yet. It looks like it finally is now though. Oddly, we're both kind of excited to see what is on the horizon. Of course, being the provider and protector that he is, Ben is doing his best to not be overly concerned, but behind it all, we know God has it covered. Besides, remember that fleece I put out for God? Well, in the conversation I had with Ben that night Ben had reminded me to just trust God and He will cover every need we have. Interesting timing on that don't ya think? Ironically, remember how I said I had another 2 fleece to put out for God before I would KNOW the answer to that prayer I had been bringing to God? Well, lets just say this sudden change of events appears to be the POTENTIAL answer to that second fleece. HMMM........

So that was the first way I know we are about to be stretched in our faith. The second is more personal to myself. At our church I am leader of the hospitality ministry, it doesn't sound like much, but believe me...it entails a lot for a church that has three services on the weekend. I've finally gotten some good volunteers though and have hit a nice comfortable pace which has removed most of the drain on me. Now our church is growing again and we will be adding a fourth service on Sunday, a very good thing, but the thought of one more service to cover is a bit daunting to say the least. So I've given the Lord my word that I wouldn't complain about it, I saw how He provided for me when I needed it before so I know He will do it again, I just have to trust Him. I think I can do that........no, I KNOW I can do that. He's never let me down before, so I have no reason to think He will now. His answer may be different than what I expect, but it will always be the BEST answer if I'm willing to have an open mind.

Soooooo......it will be an interesting journey going forward, but I'm glad I can share it with all of you so we can grow through this together. It should be an interesting ride, and I hope I do my God and my faith justice as I find joy in the ups, downs and middles of this next adventure. No matter what, I will always praise Him even in the face of adversity...He is my joy and nothing will steal that away.

Psalm 34:1 (New Living Translation)

1 I will praise the Lord at all times.
I will constantly speak his praises.
 
Psalm 34:1 (The Message)
1 I bless God every chance I get;
my lungs expand with his praise.
 



Friday, January 15, 2010

Shards of Glass


So last night I was over at Batman and Rapunzel's house helping her out with her dissertation and having a great time. We always have a good time when we get together and last night was no different.....well, no different until the end of the night that is. So as I was getting ready to leave Ranger needed to go potty, so Rae decided to walk me to the car so he could pee. As we stepped to the end of the sidewalk all of a sudden she gasped and let out a few choice words of frustration, we'll pretend it was "Jesus is Awesome" like I should have been thinking Tuesday when I was feeling that frustration. LOL.
SO after a quick second and making sure she wasn't in labor I turned to see what she was looking at. The entire back window of her brand new SUV was busted out and laying shattered on the ground. A million pieces of tinted glass everywhere. We both shifted gears and she went to get Al and I took care of Ranger. After a few moments we realized that their car wasn't the only car vandalized. There were four cars in their parking lot alone and at least another four or five in the lot behind them. Sadly, one of the other cars in their lot to get hit was also Al's car. Apparently this is a trend that the tenants are getting fed up with, UNDERSTANDABLY. Some punk kids going on destruction sprees just for the fun of it....not cool.
So I hung out to wait till the cops came and I'm so glad I did. I witnessed something that made me so proud of both Rae and Al. This was a prime opportunity to go off on a justified rant and be totally po'd and turn into a beast and yadda yadda yadda.......but instead I saw both of them choose to stay calm in the midst of it, yeah they were ticked, but NEITHER of them fed into the raw emotions and let it control them. Instead they both focused in on God and kept their cool and CHOSE to NOT ALLOW this to get to them. I hope I would have handled it the same way, but I don't know for sure how I would have responded.
    So anyway........as I drove home I was talking to God about this blog entry. No, I'm not crazy or being overly religious, but part of why I'm blogging and part of why I am the Pollyanna that I am is because I believe EVERYTHING, even something like this has a purpose and has good come of it. So if  I'm not passing along what I believe that purpose or message to be in this blog then what's the point? I knew this event was going to be the centerpiece of the blog today but I wanted to make sure I wasn't just retelling a story, but really learning a lesson from it.
So as I drove along and processed the events of the previous hour I kept seeing the picture of Rachel's glass window shattered on the ground, all those shards of glass. I also kept hearing those words over and over, shards of glass, shards of glass, shards of glass. Those shards of glass must somehow represent us...or something we humans do. HMMMMMM.....
So when I got home I decided to look up the definition of a shard, now I know what it means, but sometimes you get clearer insight when you actually pull up the complete definition of a word.
So here we go, ready? Good.
Websters defines a SHARD as a piece or fragment of a brittle substance.

Interesting, but I'm not really feeling a great insight yet, YOU? Yeah I didn't think so.... lets go a bit deeper, shall we?

The definition of the word BRITTLE according to Websters is something easily broken, cracked, or snapped. Easily disrupted, overthrown, or damaged. Frail, perishable, mortal, transitory, and evanescent. Easily hurt or offended, sensitive, and sharp. Lacking warmth, depth, or generosity of spirit, cold.

WHEW!!!!! That is a whole lot of adjectives for such a small word! However, it sure as heck gets the point across doesn't it? Being brittle is just fine when we're talking about a sheet of glass, a butterfly wing or even peanut brittle, but it's NOT fine when we're talking about a person. Have you ever felt broken, cracked or damaged by a person or circumstance? Have you felt the rug pulled out from under you as things disrupt, overthrow or damage YOUR plans? Do you ever get hurt, offended or over sensitive when things don't go the way you wanted or expected? Worse yet, have others accused you of lacking warmth, depth or being cold?
HMMMM.....that requires some painfully deep soul searching doesn't it.....I don't know about you, but in the interest of keeping it real here, I've fallen into each of these categories at different times in my life. In fact some of these I'm still working on, especially when thinking of certain family members of mine. Sorry, but it's true.....blood may be thicker than water, but thickness doesn't always equate quality. I think it's safe to say then that all of the things associated with being brittle are NOT the kind of traits we want to have associated with our own selves.

Now, let's go a bit deeper still.
What would be the opposite, the antonym of Brittle? That would be, robust, healthy, strong. When I saw those words I wondered if there is a translation of the Bible that uses the word robust. Well, there is....and ironically...or maybe not so ironically, there is one verse that in multiple translations interchanges each of those three words to convey the same thought. What does the thought refer to? Ready for this? bitterness, envy, jealousy and runaway emotions. HMMMM.....all things that come out of the emotions associated with being brittle. I think that broken glass definitely conveyed a message, not just to myself but to all of us.
We need to have our focus on God....in fact, we need to be so focused on Him, so robust,healthy and strong in Him and His word, the Bible, that when things hit us like that weapon hit the glass on those cars, we don't shatter because we are brittle.

Proverbs 14:30 (The Message)

 30 A sound mind makes for a robust body,
   but runaway emotions corrode the bones.

Ok, soooooooooo if we are going to have a robust body we need a sound mind. How do we get that? Well, let's go back to the source.

2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version)

7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Ok, so the sound mind isn't something we acquire, it was already given to us. (Yeah I know, I don't always feel like it either....but tell your fickle feelings to kiss off.) Now, WHYYYYYYYY would we be told in the same verse that we have been given a sound mind, that we also HAVEN'T been given a spirit of fear? Well, for that answer let's go back to the definition of the word brittle.
         something easily broken, cracked, or snapped. Easily disrupted, overthrown, or damaged. Frail, perishable, mortal, transitory, and evanescent. Easily hurt or offended, sensitive, and sharp. Lacking warmth, depth, or generosity of spirit, cold.

I don't know about you, but when I feel those emotions, especially towards my biological father and his less than loving family....they are definitely rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of betrayal, fear of never being GOOD enough....and lots of others. Well if those feelings are not God given, then I don't want them! Who DOES?!?!?!? So the antidote? The anti-fear, anti-brittle solution?  The only way to get and maintain a sound mind is to debunk fear in all it's faces by dissecting each one and applying the truth in it's place. So here is what the Bible has to say about who I, who YOU REALLY are and the value we REALLY have.
In an effort to save space I will not include the full verses, but here is a link to Bible Gateway where you can pull up the complete verse in any translation and language you prefer.
Bible Gateway Passage Lookup
 I'm going to close with this list, I don't really think there is much else to say after that. Don't feel bad about being brittle, we all have in the past...and we all have areas where we still are. Instead, focus on reinforcing those brittle areas with TRUTH.....the Bible IS TRUTH. That way when things come at you to destroy you and turn your brittleness into shards, you will be stronger and less likely to shatter.


Who I Am In Christ



I am accepted...

John 1:12
I am God's child.

John 15:15
As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:1
I have been justified.

1 Corinthians 6:17
I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.

1 Corinthians 12:27
I am a member of Christ's body.

Ephesians 1:3-8
I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.

Colossians 1:13-14
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.

Colossians 2:9-10
I am complete in Christ.

Hebrews 4:14-16
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.





I am secure...

Romans 8:1-2
I am free from condemnation.

Romans 8:28
I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.

Romans 8:31-39
I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22
I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.

Colossians 3:1-4
I am hidden with Christ in God.

Philippians 1:6
I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.

Philippians 3:20
I am a citizen of heaven.

2 Timothy 1:7
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.

1 John 5:18
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.





I am significant...

John 15:5
I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.

John 15:16
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.

1 Corinthians 3:16
I am God's temple.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21
I am a minister of reconciliation for God.

Ephesians 2:6
I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.

Ephesians 2:10
I am God's workmanship.

Ephesians 3:12
I may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

1...2...3...4...Breathe...5...6...


So Monday was pretty non climactic, not a bad thing really...lol. ALthough, maybe I shouldn't say that. It ended on a highly positive note. For about 2 months now I've been praying about something. I believe God has been showing me some things, confirming some things and sending LOTS of encouragement. I'm not prepared to share about it yet, but in time I will. So anyway, I have been keeping it to myself all this time and meditating and praying about it, put out a Gideon's fleece or two. No that does not mean a person is weak spiritually...yes we are to trust God and the very essence of faith is to believe in things not seen....however, sometimes in our sinful human nature a seed of doubt or fear gets in there and we need God to just meet us where we're at. In almost 30 years of being a Christian I haven't had a whole lot of those moments, I usually tend to jump in with both feet and trust for God to catch me, but this is one of those fleece things for me. Not that I don't believe He can do what I'm praying about, but I guess on this one I want to play it safe and make sure I KNOW, that I KNOW, that I KNOW..it's God.
So anyway, last night as I was reading the days scripture for the Bible in a year one of the verses leapt off the page at me and it spoke to the EXACT thing I've been praying about. I felt like it was time I finally shared with Ben what has been on my heart. I was a little apprehensive,......ok....a lot apprehensive. Not that he wouldn't support me, but sometimes the things that are important to the female mind and heart aren't on the same radar screen as the things that are important to the male mind and heart. So I prayed and happened to be IM-ing somebody and had them pray too for the best way to broach the topic and that it would be well received.  

Well, God met me where I was at and not only was Ben TOTALLY supportive (Lord I love that man!!) and completely encouraging, but he threw me a curve ball I NEVER really expected by saying, "Fran...what makes you think I haven't already been interceding about that for you?" I think this was the exact moment I experienced my first deer in headlights look for the night. "HUH?!?!!?" He gave me a look like, DUH!!! It took a moment for that to sink in.....hmmm...I don't know....he has so many other things on his plate in providing for our home and other things that no, I honestly DIDN'T think he would be interceding for me on this. HUH....cool God, didn't see that one coming!!!! So because he was soooooooo supportive and encouraging it actually gave me the room I needed to REALLY open up about my concerns, fears and other feelings regarding this prayer request. Ben sat there and listened and reminded me of scripture I needed to be reminded of and offered up ideas and solutions to make this thing work,(I guess he really HAS been praying about this...WOWWW!!!). So by the end of our conversation I had a whole new level of peace about this that I have never had before. Unbelievable...God never ceases to amaze me.
SOoooooo...today I woke up and yep, that peace was still there....sigh....Gideon fleece number 1, wow.....cool. 

SO I went bopping along to work, feeling pretty dang amazing.....and as I stood there chatting with the girls and helped welcome the sprouts in for the day, it happened. One of them had wiggled up behind me on the floor just as the doorbell rang, I went to get it and WHOOP, BANG! My feet did some sort of ankle height triple lutz as I spun around, knocked the child down onto his bottom, and crashed down onto one knee directly on the wood covered concrete floor somehow catching myself on the cabinet behind me with both hands and miraculously never spilling a drop of the almost full iced coffee which I was holding! AND FOR MY NEXT TRICK!!!!!  So I turn around to make sure he's ok, he is, but he's now crying because he has no idea what he just witnessed or caused, but Miss Fran suddenly looks like a cross between a cherry red tomato as she bites her lip and a fish out of water as she writhes on the floor in pain. Thankfully the girls jumped right in. Amber ran to get the door, I think Jess grabbed Dylan and got him out of the way and Allie got out of MY way...lol. I got up painfully and slowly and limped across the room to focus on keeping my mouth shut....OHHHHHHHHH that was a wise choice because I really don't think ANYBODY wanted to hear the colorful things running through my mind at that moment. Let's just say I was feeling significantly less than Christian at that moment and the phrase, "Jesus is AWESOME" was NOT what wanted to come out of my mouth. So I waited for the incoming parents to disperse, Allie asked if I was ok and I still couldn't open my mouth so I just waived my hand and nodded.

She knows me well enough she just said ok and backed away, wise girl. I stood up as straight as I could and limped to the kitchen to get an ice pack. Oh wait, wonder jaws bit into our last ice pack last week so no ice pack in the freezer...AHHH but we had a bag of frozen corn. THAT works! I gingerly applied it and felt my ability to speak slowly return. Meanwhile Amber came to get an icepack for Dylan's leg, oh yeah..wonder jaws....ok so he ended up having a tube of frozen Pillsbury sugar cookie dough applied to his leg instead of ice. Yeah...WE'RE professional! LOL. 




SIGH...........when I was finally able to function again I emerged from the kitchen and sat at the kids lunch table holding my corn to my knee. Amber shifted to nurse mode and thankfully after about an hour the massive swelling and bruising on my knee had gone down signifcantly and I was able to walk with little pain or stiffness. THANK YOU LORD.
I love my life...lol. Honestly....there is never a dull moment....and even though I got hurt....it could have been worse. I could have hurt Dylan, I could have hit my HEAD..I could have broken something....worse yet, I could have spilled my iced coffee......but I didn't. I also could have vocalized the expletives that were in my mind, but thank God I didn't. Yeah I have a sore knee, but thank God we had corn and sugar cookies in the freezer! LOL. Overall...that peace and joy I started out with in the morning....still in tact! God Rocks!
Ok, that's enough for one night. I'll catch you guys later and if you haven't checked out the list of blogs on the left that I follow, please do. There are some really great bloggers over there that would love to have you come visit them.