I CHOOSE JOY....and why you should too!

I've always believed that joy is a choice and I still do. In my opinion, joy and happiness aren't the same thing and you can definitely have one without the other. Happiness doesn't exist in a bad moment....but joy actually can.
Happiness is a state of being..or in other terms...the natural flowing side effect of a good experience. Sooooo.......what determines if the experience is good or not? Well, that comes from each individual persons own definition of what they like or dislike. For example, I dislike snakes, but my husband likes them and can and will pick them up and enjoy holding and looking at them as if he's holding and looking at say.....a kitten. In that moment he's unbelievably happy....me.....not so much. Similarly, I really like the experience of shopping and can literally spend hours wandering through racks and aisles looking for bargains. In that moment I'm euphorically happy....Ben....not even close..he's in chest gripping dread thinking of what I could be spending or even considering spending.
Consider the photo of a person in a bright yellow bathing suit smiling at an under water camera with bubbles coming from their nose for someone that may trigger great memories of a tropical vacation and lots of laughter and adventure......good experience = happiness. For the person sitting next to them however, that exact same photo may trigger horrible memories where they couldn't breathe under water...or fear of the unclear water behind them that could be hiding dangerous things.....bad experience = unhappiness. How about the public announcement of a pregnancy or an engagement? For some those things are wonderful and happy because they've had good experiences, while for others those things can cause deep sadness, feelings of inadequacy, and even depression because they long for things that have yet to be fulfilled. A photo of a loving couple sitting in a romantically lit restaurant staring into each others eyes longingly may make one person's heart go pitter patter with feelings of romance.....while another feels disgust as they look for wedding rings and wonder if they are having an affair. Happiness is not an across the board given....it's subjectively based on our experiences or perceptions.

 Joy, however, well...it's more than an event...it goes deeper than that....it's a little more abstract....it's an essence....an essence of being one way in spite of things being another way....and it usually requires our cooperation.....it's a purposefully made choice. How though do we choose joy? How do we envelope that essence? It starts with us deciding WHERE our joy comes from.....what is our source. I mean dissecting the raw REAL source we draw our definition of joy from. Does our joy come from the fleeting and completely imperfect things this life and other humans have to offer...or does it come from something else? If our definition of joy is based on life circumstances and people....then we've unintentionally and unknowingly tied our definition of joy in with our definition of happiness. If that happens....our joy will always fall short and we will always be on a roller coaster ride based on how our day or our life is going. I don't know about you, but I don't like emotional whiplash.

For us Christians, our definition of joy cannot be tied to our definition of happiness. Instead, it MUST be based on the character traits of who we know and are learning the triune God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) to be.  

I cannot stress that last comment enough....so I'm going to repeat myself in a slightly different way...

.....our definition of joy MUST ONLY be based on THE CHARACTER TRAITS of GOD.......NOT on a person, circumstance, event, or situation and certainly NOT on a feeling.....not even on how we perceive God SHOULD perform....but on His character traits. 

 Like it or not, there are some things we Jesus folk really need to understand....and we just HAVE to grasp this because it's literally causing way too many Christians to sink in their faith walk because they are walking around miserable, hopeless, bitter and just plain dried out. Weary is one thing....we ALL get battle weary....but to be spiritually mummified is a whole other issue. We're supposed to bring salt and light to the world....not Jesus jerky. I know that may sound funny...but seriously....pay attention here...

1) Humans have free will, which means we and those around us can make horrible choices that are cruel and selfish and downright evil and can affect....well....almost everything. (Free will explained) (i.e. a) people we work with can be jerks b) spouses can lie or say cruel things c) drivers can cut us off d) people can commit heinous crimes etc. etc. etc. )

2) Since the fall of man....we live in a "fallen nature" (imperfect) world that is, ALSO like it or not, subject to the natural laws of science and nature instead of God's perfect laws. ( i.e. a) gravity pulls things down b) germs and lack of sleep can cause us to get sick c) weather patterns can wreak disastrous havoc d) lemon bars, potato chips and fettuccine alfredo make us fat etc. etc. etc.)

To choose to be joyful in the face of adversity and cruelty and trauma is hard....sometimes it feels impossible...but I promise you...it's not. I've been through some really hard things, some traumatic things, some potentially embittering things....many at the hands of people that I loved and trusted....and even now there is a battle that my husband and I are fighting together that could easily be cause to steal our joy. However, through EVERYTHING....even when I'm too wounded or weary to actually talk to God....I go to His Word and let Him speak to me and I feel my joy...my essence of being, restored in the midst of whatever hell I'm tearfully fighting through.
The cooperation portion of the essence is I have to ALLOW myself to BELIEVE that there is hope. I have to ALLOW myself to BELIEVE that God is actually who He says He is. I have to ALLOW myself to BELIEVE that God actually really does love me and doesn't want to hurt me and let me down the way humans have hurt me and let me down. Don't fool yourself either...we all SAY we believe that...and sing the songs and run around like joy filled Polly Pockets when life is grand....but the reality is...when life is horrible we do not function in joy...we function in fear, anger, CONTROL, bitterness, rejection, etc, etc, etc. Choosing to cooperate with joy takes effort....God knows and has always known that. That's why in the Bible He makes a big deal of telling the Israelites to set up stones of remembrance to REMIND themselves of God's character through what He's done for them. He protected them, rescued them, defended them, repeatedly forgave them and gave them another chance, provided for them, rallied them.....SAVED them. In Hebrews 13:8 we are told flat out that Jesus (part of the triune God- Father, Son, Holy Spirit) is the SAME...yesterday, today and FOREVER....so guess what. That means God will STILL protect us, rescue us, defend us, repeatedly forgive us and give us another chance, provide for us, rally us, and has already saved us. So to get the essence of joy? KNOW GOD'S CHARACTER.....His character proves that we are safe in His care...no matter what hell we are currently in....no matter if we understand or not...we don't NEED to understand....we just need to patiently endure.

Hebrews 10:35-36(NLT) So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

Psalm 40:1-3(NLT) I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair,out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed.They will put their trust in the Lord.

Here are some links to verses to help you learn the character of God and some to help you get that essence of joy going in the face of adversity. ( Click on each reference to read the verse.)

Romans 12:12

Psalm 94:19

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Daniel 3:16-30

Psalm 9:2

Isaiah 61:10

Daniel 6:16-28

2 Kings 6:15-17

Proverbs 17:22

Psalm 34:1-19

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Genesis 22:1-19

Philippians 4:4-9

Psalm 119:111

Malachi 4:2

Isaiah 43:1-7

Isaiah 43:10-21

Romans 5:3-4

Psalm 35:10

1 Peter 1:8-9

Psalm 16:11

1 Timothy 6:7-8

Psalm 119:114

Isaiah 41:8-13

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Psalm 46:1-3

Jeremiah 29:11

Psalm 34:4

Nehemiah 8:10

Psalm 91

Psalm 116

Romans 12:1-3

Love,
Fran
~JOY ALL WAYS~

Throwback Thursday - When Fear Cripples

Oh look.....it's time for another b+ TBT! Be encouraged!

Monday, October 10, 2005

When Fear Cripples

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along ." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.- Eleanor Roosevelt

About eight years ago I had a particularly bad series of events involving car accidents. Within a year and a half I was in three accidents...all of them almost 6 months to the day of each other. One accident is bad enough....but three.......it was bad.
The first was during a snow storm. My brother's birthday was the next day so I rushed out to the store to pick up the item I had been waiting till th last minute to get. While I was in the store it began to snow. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, living in New England you learn quickly how to drive in bad weather. The store I was at however as at the top of a very steep hill and surrounded by busy streets. I had an old Volvo with semi-bad tires and the snow was still fresh....so sand on the road, no plow had been by yet.
As I crept over the top of the hill on the long four lane driveway and edged my way down the slippery pavement I suddenly saw my worst fear. A car had spun out and sat sideways completely blocking my lane. The driver had shut off his car, gotten out and was looking at his front tires. In the lane to my direct left was another car and in each of the two lanes coming up the hill was a car. I couldn't possibly swerve into another lane without causing another accident. My only out was to turn hard to the right and try to jump the curb and go down another steep hill into a parking lot about 30 feet below. So as I picked up speed sliding faster and faster towards the other car I did just that. To my surprise though the curb was too high and instead of removing myself from the potential accident I in fact spun out sideways and slid down even faster to hit the stopped car lengthwise.
**SIGH**
Six months later I was on my way to work one morning. I had a cold and was continually having to blow my nose so I kept a tiny box of kleenex within easy reach. I was an assistant manager of a pet store at that time so I was in a hurry to get to work and open up for the day. In front of me for almost the entire drive was a particularly elderly gentleman in a mini van who was very careful to remain within the exact speed limit. Every block or so he would brake to slow back down to 35mph. I kept a good two car distance between us just because he made me nervous and the last thing I wanted was another accident. As we kept our slow and steady pace I cranked up my radio in an attempt to destress myself. Suddenly I needed a kleenex. I reached down to where I kept them but couldn't find the box. I felt around some more...still nothing. Finally in desparation I looked down and grabbed one. In that instant the man in front braked yet again and in the micro seconds that I started to look back up, I hit him full force. Totalling my car, sending me to the hospital and putting me out of work for a couple of weeks.
Double **SIGH**
Fast forward yet another six months. My then boyfriend and I were taking some people home after church. A young teenager from the church youth group and my friend. I had organized us by who would be getting out first. So the teenager was in the front seat and my friend and I were in the backseat of his tiny hatchback. As we all laughed and talked we came to the street of the first drop off. Suddenly from behind a car full of teenagers careened into us at full speed miraculously stopping just short of encasing my friend and I into the back seat.
Triple **SIGH**
After those accidents I didn't drive for two years. I was too afraid to. I didn't even like getting into a car with others. When I did get in a car it was with much apprehension and constant fear of every little thing. I changed jobs to a store that was on a direct bus route and avoided going out with people other than my boyfriend as much as possible, and walked as many places as I could. I was living in a prison of fear. It was understandable of course....those things were traumatic experiences for me so when I told people I didn't drive and explained why they understood and sympathized. One woman I worked with was even in the same place and stopped driving years earlier because her sister had been killed tragically in a car.
Over time however I began to miss the degree of freedom I had once had. I missed being able to just pick up and go for a drive in the country or not having to wait in two feet of snow for an extra 45 minutes because the bus was running behind. I saw the woman I worked with through new eyes. She was about 30 years older than me and she had become completely dependent on others because of her fear and I didn't want to end up like that. I had come to the point that I realized....it was time. I had to face my fear head on with no looking back.
It was terrifying at first....and I drove like a 95 year old for a while....but each time I got behind that wheel it got easier. Eventually I reached the point that the fear was totally gone.

Fear comes in many shapes and sizes.....but whatever it is that you fear, I pray you get to the point that you can face it head on and say, "I have lived through this terror, I can take the next thing that comes along."

Peace,
FG

Shards of Glass

So last night I was over at Batman and Rapunzel's house helping her out with her dissertation and having a great time. We always have a good time when we get together and last night was no different.....well, no different until the end of the night that is. So as I was getting ready to leave Ranger needed to go potty, so Rae decided to walk me to the car so he could pee. As we stepped to the end of the sidewalk all of a sudden she gasped and let out a few choice words of frustration, we'll pretend it was "Jesus is Awesome" like I should have been thinking Tuesday when I was feeling that frustration. LOL.
SO after a quick second and making sure she wasn't in labor I turned to see what she was looking at. The entire back window of her brand new SUV was busted out and laying shattered on the ground. A million pieces of tinted glass everywhere. We both shifted gears and she went to get Al and I took care of Ranger. After a few moments we realized that their car wasn't the only car vandalized. There were four cars in their parking lot alone and at least another four or five in the lot behind them. Sadly, one of the other cars in their lot to get hit was also Al's car. Apparently this is a trend that the tenants are getting fed up with, UNDERSTANDABLY. Some punk kids going on destruction sprees just for the fun of it....not cool.
So I hung out to wait till the cops came and I'm so glad I did. I witnessed something that made me so proud of both Rae and Al. This was a prime opportunity to go off on a justified rant and be totally po'd and turn into a beast and yadda yadda yadda.......but instead I saw both of them choose to stay calm in the midst of it, yeah they were ticked, but NEITHER of them fed into the raw emotions and let it control them. Instead they both focused in on God and kept their cool and CHOSE to NOT ALLOW this to get to them. I hope I would have handled it the same way, but I don't know for sure how I would have responded.
    So anyway........as I drove home I was talking to God about this blog entry. No, I'm not crazy or being overly religious, but part of why I'm blogging and part of why I am the Pollyanna that I am is because I believe EVERYTHING, even something like this has a purpose and has good come of it. So if  I'm not passing along what I believe that purpose or message to be in this blog then what's the point? I knew this event was going to be the centerpiece of the blog today but I wanted to make sure I wasn't just retelling a story, but really learning a lesson from it.
So as I drove along and processed the events of the previous hour I kept seeing the picture of Rachel's glass window shattered on the ground, all those shards of glass. I also kept hearing those words over and over, shards of glass, shards of glass, shards of glass. Those shards of glass must somehow represent us...or something we humans do. HMMMMMM.....
So when I got home I decided to look up the definition of a shard, now I know what it means, but sometimes you get clearer insight when you actually pull up the complete definition of a word.
So here we go, ready? Good.
Websters defines a SHARD as a piece or fragment of a brittle substance.

Interesting, but I'm not really feeling a great insight yet, YOU? Yeah I didn't think so.... lets go a bit deeper, shall we?

The definition of the word BRITTLE according to Websters is something easily broken, cracked, or snapped. Easily disrupted, overthrown, or damaged. Frail, perishable, mortal, transitory, and evanescent. Easily hurt or offended, sensitive, and sharp. Lacking warmth, depth, or generosity of spirit, cold.

WHEW!!!!! That is a whole lot of adjectives for such a small word! However, it sure as heck gets the point across doesn't it? Being brittle is just fine when we're talking about a sheet of glass, a butterfly wing or even peanut brittle, but it's NOT fine when we're talking about a person. Have you ever felt broken, cracked or damaged by a person or circumstance? Have you felt the rug pulled out from under you as things disrupt, overthrow or damage YOUR plans? Do you ever get hurt, offended or over sensitive when things don't go the way you wanted or expected? Worse yet, have others accused you of lacking warmth, depth or being cold?
HMMMM.....that requires some painfully deep soul searching doesn't it.....I don't know about you, but in the interest of keeping it real here, I've fallen into each of these categories at different times in my life. In fact some of these I'm still working on, especially when thinking of certain family members of mine. Sorry, but it's true.....blood may be thicker than water, but thickness doesn't always equate quality. I think it's safe to say then that all of the things associated with being brittle are NOT the kind of traits we want to have associated with our own selves.

Now, let's go a bit deeper still.
What would be the opposite, the antonym of Brittle? That would be, robust, healthy, strong. When I saw those words I wondered if there is a translation of the Bible that uses the word robust. Well, there is....and ironically...or maybe not so ironically, there is one verse that in multiple translations interchanges each of those three words to convey the same thought. What does the thought refer to? Ready for this? bitterness, envy, jealousy and runaway emotions. HMMMM.....all things that come out of the emotions associated with being brittle. I think that broken glass definitely conveyed a message, not just to myself but to all of us.
We need to have our focus on God....in fact, we need to be so focused on Him, so robust,healthy and strong in Him and His word, the Bible, that when things hit us like that weapon hit the glass on those cars, we don't shatter because we are brittle.

Proverbs 14:30 (The Message)

 ³⁰ A sound mind makes for a robust body,
   but runaway emotions corrode the bones.

Ok, soooooooooo if we are going to have a robust body we need a sound mind. How do we get that? Well, let's go back to the source.

2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version)

⁷ For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Ok, so the sound mind isn't something we acquire, it was already given to us. (Yeah I know, I don't always feel like it either....but tell your fickle feelings to kiss off.) Now, WHYYYYYYYY would we be told in the same verse that we have been given a sound mind, that we also HAVEN'T been given a spirit of fear? Well, for that answer let's go back to the definition of the word brittle.
         something easily broken, cracked, or snapped. Easily disrupted, overthrown, or damaged. Frail, perishable, mortal, transitory, and evanescent. Easily hurt or offended, sensitive, and sharp. Lacking warmth, depth, or generosity of spirit, cold.

I don't know about you, but when I feel those emotions, especially towards my biological father and his less than loving family....they are definitely rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of betrayal, fear of never being GOOD enough....and lots of others. Well if those feelings are not God given, then I don't want them! Who DOES?!?!?!? So the antidote? The anti-fear, anti-brittle solution?  The only way to get and maintain a sound mind is to debunk fear in all it's faces by dissecting each one and applying the truth in it's place. So here is what the Bible has to say about who I, who YOU REALLY are and the value we REALLY have.
In an effort to save space I will not include the full verses, but here is a link to Bible Gateway where you can pull up the complete verse in any translation and language you prefer.
Bible Gateway Passage Lookup
 I'm going to close with this list, I don't really think there is much else to say after that. Don't feel bad about being brittle, we all have in the past...and we all have areas where we still are. Instead, focus on reinforcing those brittle areas with TRUTH.....the Bible IS TRUTH. That way when things come at you to destroy you and turn your brittleness into shards, you will be stronger and less likely to shatter.

Who I Am In Christ

		I am accepted...
	John 1:12	I am God's child.
	John 15:15	As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
	Romans 5:1	I have been justified.
	1 Corinthians 6:17	I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
	1 Corinthians 6:19-20	I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
	1 Corinthians 12:27	I am a member of Christ's body.
	Ephesians 1:3-8	I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
	Colossians 1:13-14	I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
	Colossians 2:9-10	I am complete in Christ.
	Hebrews 4:14-16	I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.
		I am secure...
	Romans 8:1-2	I am free from condemnation.
	Romans 8:28	I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
	Romans 8:31-39	I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
	2 Corinthians 1:21-22	I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
	Colossians 3:1-4	I am hidden with Christ in God.
	Philippians 1:6	I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
	Philippians 3:20	I am a citizen of heaven.
	2 Timothy 1:7	I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
	1 John 5:18	I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.
		I am significant...
	John 15:5	I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
	John 15:16	I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
	1 Corinthians 3:16	I am God's temple.
	2 Corinthians 5:17-21	I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
	Ephesians 2:6	I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
	Ephesians 2:10	I am God's workmanship.
	Ephesians 3:12	I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
	Philippians 4:13	I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.