Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Deflated Pollyanna

Sooooo this perpetual Pollyanna hasn't felt very Pollyanna-ish lately. Oh the positive effervescence is still inside of me, but it's been more than a bit flat in my attempts at executing it. Do I still believe that EVERYTHING, without exception works to good? Without question. I just can't help but feel a bit fidgety lately. I don't mind waiting on God, in fact most of the time I actually ENJOY the downtime of the wait, it gives me a chance to focus on what I'm doing now that may become an asset for me in the future. Valuable prep time as it were. So why am I feeling fidgety this time? I guess I'm still trying to figure that out. That's probably why I'm still awake at 2am when I should be sleeping so I can get up in 3 hours and go deal with a herd of germ carrying munchkins. Although at this point since I'm wide awake it may be a viable option to pull an all nighter...lol.
Ironically the crux of my frustration right now stems from my job. Now don't get me wrong, I actually love my job, my employer and my boss. That isn't the problem. The problem is that I feel a bit....well....overlooked. I know the value of what my gifts and talents are, the years of experiences I have and what I can bring to the table if given the opportunity.  When I was 20 I started my own business and quickly became quite successful at it, but due to a glaring lack of capital as well as a barely minimum wage job I had to put an end to it. After that I had a healthy string of successful positions over the years that all included my working my way up from the bottom and into a management position. They went from managing as few as 5 employees to being solely responsible for over 8,000 corporate accounts. My frustration is that I feel like the assets I have are not being tapped into for the greater good. My battle is to appreciate the place I'm in for the downtime it affords me as well as thoughtfully considering the points that perhaps I'm having this extended downtime because I quite simply need to continue to grow to a point of maturity that I will be READY for the next level. Something I am always willing to see as a credible possibility because quite frankly even though I know how far I've come, I also know I have a long way to go.
I could easily sit and go through a list of whining points to validate my frustrations....but realistically, what does that solve? Whining never solves anything and all it accomplishes is irritating it's listeners, trust me, I know....I DESPISE whining! What I can do however, in true Pollyanna form, is make a list of the reasons why I should be glad that things are the way they are right now. So for much more my benefit than yours, here I go.
1) I'm glad that I don't have to take work home.
2) I'm glad that I can let the weight of difficult decisions fall on someone else's shoulders.
3) I'm glad that I don't have more things to try and focus on during 8 short hours than just making sure my students know their colors, shapes, numbers and manners.
4) I'm glad that I have a boss that prays for her workers.
5) I'm glad that I work with Christians, something I longed for, for years.
6) I'm glad that I don't have the daily battle of re-establishing co-worker relationship vs supervisor relationship
7) I'm glad that I no longer have to carry the burden of hiring and firing people...something I never really relished in the first place.
8) I'm glad I can support the boss I do have to help her get to a higher place in her career because I wish I had people who would have done that for me.
I guess in reality I'm glad that things are the way they are for now....I suppose I really do know that God hasn't overlooked me and I know He is aware of what I can and cannot do as well as what my true heart desires are for my present and my future. So the real question is can I continue to wait patiently and trust Him even when it feels like things aren't moving. Yeah.......I can. **sigh** and maybe I need to remember all of these things when I want to rush the process along.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.


Anonymous said...

awesome blog, do you have twitter or facebook? i will bookmark this page thanks. lina holzbauer

Joyce Lighari said...

I hope this doesn't add to your frustration to have me pop in and read your blog :)
Nevertheless, I had to chuckle when I read that you hate whining. I don't whine; I follow the Biblical pattern of lament. Recently I've shed most of my sack clothe and ashes and am doing fabulously. Many a prophet has sat in sack clothe and ashes before rising again.
Think of you often and wish you well!